Archi Alternative

Young man, young man, your arm’s too short to box with God. 

James Weldon Johnson

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First some obvious practical things:

1.  Old Testament, New Testament, Qur’an are great descriptive materials. Very detailed schedules. But where are the actual working drawings of the world? I heard that God is in details. Where are those “Details” sheets?

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2.  7 days of creation is a completely unrealistic deadline. Even for such a lousy project as our world… (not having working drawings makes it even less possible)

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There are few commandments that don’t quite fit modern architects views:

3. “You shall have no other gods before me.” 

Wait a second! And what about my clients?… Yes, modern architect is that pathetic.

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4.  “…Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work…”

6 days a week only? Sorry I can’t… I wish there would be 8 days a week, so I can satisfy my gods… oops! … I mean my clients.

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Let’s go deep back in time

5.  There were tons of Gods and Goddesses in the antique Greece and Rome. Yet Greeks and Romans didn’t even bother to provide a separate God or a Goddess for Architecture. They had Hestia (Vesta for Romans) some second rated Goddess of the hearth and home which incidentally played a role of a Goddess of architecture. That’s all.

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6.  Do you think in the other places the situation was different? Say Hinduism…

The closest God for architects would be a guy called Vishwakarma.  “Vishwakarma is the presiding deity of all craftsmen. Son of Brahma, he is the divine draftsman of the whole universe, and the official builder of all the gods’ palaces. Vishwakarma is also the designer of all the flying chariots of the gods, and all their weapons.” The Mahabharata describes him as “The lord of the arts, executor of a thousand handicrafts, the carpenter of the gods, the most eminent of artisans, the fashioner of all ornaments … and a great and immortal god.” He has four hands, wears a crown, loads of gold jewelry, and holds a water-pot, a book, a noose and craftsman’s tools in his hands.

Now… do you see a word “architect” in those lengthy and detailed descriptions of the “designer of flying chariots”? Not a single reminder! Everyone is mentioned, even the draftsmen, but architects are not on the list… WTF!

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7.  How about more exotic religions?  Well… their lists of Gods and Goddesses don’t even mention architecture… The situation is typical for Chinese, Scandinavian and Celtics.

They have a wild range of Gods and Goddesses:

• Latis – Goddess of Water and Beer,

• Ull – God of archery and skiing,

• P’an-Chin-Lien – Goddess of Prostitutes

… but not a single tiny God for Architects!

Wait…

Egyptians had Amenhotep – God of Architecture, Buildings and Construction Work… Well at least something… See! that’s why they have Pyramids…

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Returning to the modern days:

8.  Today every shmuck has a chance to become an American Idol. Every weirdo plays a Judge or an Almighty Authority on a reality show (no, of course I’m not talking about Donald Trump). Everybody! Except the real gods – architects. We don’t have our own reality show. And you want me to believe in God?

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9.  Look around! See all these buildings produced by “donald trumps”? (God, I love Donald!) If God would exist no way he would let it happen!

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10.  God is constantly called an Architect… It’s his favorite nick: something like The Architect of Life or The Architect of the Universe… Architect on contrary is always playing a God. Thus it makes sense – we don’t believe in Him yet He believes in us… God, I hope so…

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